Psychology and couples therapy expert Maria Giovanna Luini emphasizes that attempting a relationship with an ex-partner can work significantly, provided both former lovers have undergone profound personal transformation. According to her, reunion is not possible if individuals have not become 'two different people,' evolving beyond the destructive relational pattern that initially led to the breakup. [1]
According to studies in the field of family and psychology programs presented by the expert, the success of a reunion requires former partners to go through a parallel process of healing and 'inner cleansing.' This endeavor involves abandoning the habits and ideas that formed the backbone of the old couple's dynamic. Scientific studies indicate that those who return together without letting go of past behavioral patterns almost always fail, while those who succeed in reconceiving themselves as new individuals have much greater chances of maintaining a long-term connection. [1]
If you want to 'rekindle the miracle,' avoid prejudices about the past. A successful reconciliation is based on 'memory reset,' which includes forgetting previous mistakes, even serious ones such as infidelities. Open-mindedness and the ability to see the partner through a different lens are necessary, whether due to renewed attraction or because feelings persisted despite time. Avoid returning to assigning blame or guilt toward the partner by constantly discussing past mistakes. This behavior, rooted in victimhood, does not create a strong bond but transforms it into an artificial and temporary one. The correct approach often requires specialized support from a therapist. [1]
It is crucial that partners have spent a period of solitude between the two relationships. This break functions as a necessary period of lethargy to process the pain of the breakup. Although the exact duration varies, experts suggest that at least several months of emotional 'quarantine' are needed, with the first three or four months being the most difficult. After this period, the individual begins to emotionally 'purify' themselves, which is extremely useful in cases of breakups marked by intense conflict. As the time alone increases, the opportunity to reopen oneself to the future, viewing oneself and the other from a completely new perspective, grows significantly. [1]
Unresolved issues, including infidelities, must not be used as blackmail tools or barriers to establish guilt. In the context of the new relationship, the wronged party must regain complete trust in their partner; otherwise, every vague detail will be interpreted as evidence that healing was incomplete. Infidelity, though rare, sometimes represents a painful moment of confrontation that helps both parties understand common errors and move forward together, if this is possible and desired. [1]
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