Dutch writer and graphic designer Bilal Al Mashta, father to four-month-old Malik, published a column in LINDA.mini challenging the widespread myth of the 'baby who sleeps through the night.' He argues that the notion of completely rested fathers actually exists, but those fathers are not the ones performing the nighttime care duties. [1]
Before Malik's birth on January 15, 2025, Al Mashta anticipated the arrival of his son with excitement, planning to read favorite children's books and watch old cartoons together. However, he harbored deep anxiety regarding the lack of sleep, driven by past episodes of insomnia and a general inability to cope with sleep deprivation. [1]
Al Mashta sought reassurance from other fathers, some of whom claimed their babies slept through the night from the beginning. One friend stated his daughter woke only three times before 9 p.m. in her first nine months, while another acquaintance reportedly had to wake his seven-month-old daughter at 8 a.m. because she slept too soundly for him to get to work on time. [1]
These anecdotes led Al Mashta to hope that he and his partner might belong to the 'chosen' group of parents who breeze through the baby phase. He viewed these stories as evidence that the extreme sleep loss described in horror stories might not apply to everyone. [1]
On the very first night after Malik's birth, Al Mashta realized those stories were misleading. He recognized that newborns need to feed every few hours, meaning they must wake up periodically. Consequently, at least one parent must remain awake to attend to the infant's biological needs. [1]
Al Mashta concluded that the 'sleeping-through-the-night' babies were not special cases, but rather that the rested fathers around him were simply not doing the night work. The rested state belonged to the partners who were not responsible for changing diapers, soothing, feeding, or monitoring temperature. He expressed frustration that this division of labor masked the true extent of parental exhaustion. [1]
The author felt cheated by the narrative of shared struggle, realizing that the 'tandem ride' of parenting had become a solo effort for him and his wife during the night. He argued that claiming a baby slept through the night was a form of cheating if the partner bore the full burden of nighttime care, turning the baby phase from a shared challenge into a solitary ordeal for the awake parent. [1]
Months later, Al Mashta confronted his well-rested friend at a birthday party, noting the visible signs of his own exhaustion compared to the friend's vitality. When asked how the partner of his well-sleeping friend was faring, the friend revealed that his partner was struggling and not yet ready for a second child, revealing that the ease he enjoyed came at the expense of his partner's sleep. [1]
LINDA.mini invites readers to subscribe to their weekly newsletter to follow such personal stories and columns. [1]
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