Psychotherapist Wendy Behary argues in a November 2026 article published on Psychology Today that preventing sexual violence requires parents to shape children's development from infancy by modeling empathy, setting boundaries, and teaching critical thinking. [1]
The author reflects on long-term personal experiences with survivors, noting that many suffer secondary trauma from being disbelieved or blamed by their own communities and families, describing this second wound as potentially more damaging than the initial assault. [1]
Behary uses the case of the alleged gang rape at Cornell University to emphasize that sexual assault is never the victim's fault, regardless of clothing, relationship status, or substance use, asserting that responsibility always lies solely with the perpetrator. [1]
The psychotherapist identifies specific behavioral failures among perpetrators, such as ignoring verbal or non-verbal 'no', prioritizing group belonging over ethical conduct, disregarding boundaries, failing to intervene when a person is impaired, and allowing harm to occur when they could have protected the victim. [1]
Drawing from her experience as a mother, Behary highlights positive models of behavior she witnessed in her children, such as a son including an isolated classmate at lunch and a daughter standing up to bullies despite potential social costs, illustrating the importance of early moral courage. [1]
Early childhood development is cited as the foundation for empathy, with infants learning compassion when caregivers respond to their needs and validate their feelings, establishing a template for how they will treat others in adulthood. [1]
Teaching toddlers about bodily autonomy is crucial; this includes respecting their refusal to hug relatives and ensuring they stop physical interactions when told, while also teaching that harmful actions require taking responsibility and making amends. [1]
Children absorb attitudes from their environment, including school, peers, and media; therefore, parents must actively model kindness, respect for rules, and critical thinking to counteract negative influences like victim-blaming seen in adult conversations. [1]
Behary stresses that parenting involves both explicit messaging and implicit modeling, warning that children notice subtle cues and unintended messages, which parents can correct by admitting mistakes and clarifying the desired lessons. [1]
The article outlines educational resources related to sexual abuse and PTSD, though these are presented as supplementary tools rather than the core preventive strategy. [1]
Respect and right-vs-wrong distinctions are learned through observing parental behavior; parents are urged to model self-respect and resistance to groupthink, showing children how to navigate social pressure ethically. [1]
While external influences are uncontrollable, the parent-child bond remains the strongest protective factor, requiring consistent attention to the subtleties of interaction and conversation to ensure children internalize positive values. [1]
Practical education includes teaching children to read body language, recognize when individuals are too impaired to consent, and understand the consequences of wrongdoing, as well as the importance of distancing oneself from groups engaged in harmful activities. [1]
Behary concludes that while teaching ethics and empathy does not guarantee immunity from abuse, it fosters a generation of adults who are more likely to believe survivors and offer support, reducing the societal stigma that silences victims. [1]
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