Stylist Nicole Huisman, who shares content on fashion, interior design, and motherhood with over 73,000 followers, is opening up about her personal experiences with infertility and an extremely premature birth. Her transparency aims to resonate with women facing similar hurdles. [1]
Driven by a search for relatable stories that she felt were missing from public discourse, Huisman wrote a book titled 'Alles wat je bent' (Everything You Are). She notes that while she couldn't find recognition for her own feelings, sharing her story allows her to offer that same comfort to other women. [1]
The book is structured as a flip-book, allowing readers to choose where to begin. One section, 'Longing,' details the years Huisman spent undergoing fertility treatments, while the other, 'Holding On,' covers the premature birth of her daughter, Ola. [1]
During her fertility treatments, Huisman often encountered stories where the struggle had ended and a baby had arrived, which left her feeling isolated in her process. To combat this loneliness, she began sharing her journey on Instagram, seeking out others currently navigating the uncertainty. The overwhelming response from women going through the same, combined with messages received after sharing about Ola's extreme premature birth, convinced her that her experience needed to be told in book form as a testament to love, hope, and resilience. [1]
Huisman identifies the 24-week ultrasound as the pivotal moment in her narrative. It marks the end of the 'Longing' phase, where she finally became pregnant and was no longer just a medical case, and the beginning of 'Holding On,' where hopes for a stable pregnancy quickly gave way to the crisis of premature birth. Both sections share a core theme: having no control over one's body or baby, yet finding love growing through that lack of control. [1]
Huisman and her partner Friso tried to conceive for three years. In her book, she discusses experiences in both the Netherlands and Belgium, refusing to hide complex emotions. She admits to feeling conflicted when friends announced pregnancies, experiencing joy for them but also confronting feelings of envy and discomfort. Writing about these dual emotions was challenging but necessary for her. [1]
The 'Holding On' section was particularly difficult to write, documenting the birth of Ola at 25 weeks and her subsequent 93-day stay in the neonatal intensive care unit. Huisman recalls a harrowing moment after an emergency surgery where Ola's intestines had ruptured, requiring surgeons to operate on a baby of only 4 by 7 centimeters. Doctors warned they might not be able to save her, a sentiment Huisman describes as almost indescribable. Writing down these traumatic nights, while surrounded by dozens of doctors, ultimately proved healing and created a necessary record of their ordeal. [1]
The crisis strengthened the bond between Nicole and Friso. They agreed not to shut each other out, committing to constant communication despite the difficulties of doing so during such high stress. [1]
Faced with the high probability that Ola might not survive, the couple nearly lost hope until a nurse reminded them, 'Ola is fighting for her life. All we have is hope. If we drop that, what do we have left?' This perspective helped them sustain their resolve. Huisman also learned to navigate complex emotions, recognizing when anger masked grief and understanding that her partner needed love rather than sharp responses. These coping mechanisms became lifelong lessons for the couple. [1]
Huisman emphasizes the importance of discussing the topics covered in her book to create greater awareness and empathy for parents navigating uncertain and frightening times. Her goal is to ensure those experiencing infertility or premature birth feel less isolated. [1]
Incorporated into the book are letters Huisman wrote to her deceased mother. Becoming a mother opened a new dimension of grief, and writing to her mother provided a sense of acceptance. She looks back with pride at how their family coped, noting that two-year-old Ola is now walking and smiling daily. Although uncertainties about the future remain, Huisman feels confident in their ability to handle challenges together as a family of three. [1]
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